Parlez le Speech, I Pray Vous...

I read today an article on the BBC about a pidgin that may be poised to take over worldwide business communication: Globish. It appears to be an abbreviated vocabulary of English words which can be mixed in with a non-English speaker's native tongue (for the articles and proper nouns, most likely, although the article doesn't say this) to facilitate business transactions in any country around the globe. It is being touted by a Frenchman, Jean-Paul Nerriere, in a new book, Don't Speak English, Parlez Globish. There are two particular quotes from the article I'd like to share with you:

"Globish has only 1,500 words and users must avoid humour, metaphor, abbreviation and anything else that can cause cross-cultural confusion."

"We're just urinating on the ashes of the fire," he says. We should look on Globish not as a triumphant cultural vehicle for les Anglo-Saxons, but as a tool, he says: essential but purely utilitarian.

For starters, I can't even clear my throat with only 1,500 words, to paraphrase the old saying. And I have no interest in a language that requires me to eliminate irony or sarcasm from the spoken or the written word, so the first statement is not making me a convert to Globish. Finally, in the second quote, "urinating on the ashes of the fire" is a metaphor, if I'm not mistaken: you should practice what you preach, M. Nerriere, n'est-ce pas? .

I understand the practical need for quick, easy and clear communication, especially in business, but I can't help but bemoan the fact we native English speakers are astoundingly and stupefyingly lazy compared to the rest of the world (and I include myself in this condemnation). All of my friends from Europe and Asia know at least one other language in addition to their mother tongue (obviously, that would be English or else I couldn't communicate with them); many of them can at least hold their own in two or three other languages, as well.* I understand that in a global economy, it's probably inevitable that one language would dominate the others: the dominance of Anglo culture over the last 150 or more years (if one includes the British Empire, which I think one should) has made English that language. What concerns me is that it feels as though it's because we're the lowest common denominator^†: we can't speak their language, so they'll have to make do with ours. If this is a given, it's not difficult to envision a meeting taking place in Hong Kong—even one in which most of the participants are Chinese—taking place in Globish in deference to one Anglo in the room.**

For those of you who are interested, here's Marc Antony's famous speech from Julius Caesar, translated into Globish. My first thought upon reading it was that it appears to use a vocabulary larger than 1,500 words; my second thought was that, contrary to M. Nerriere's statement that Globish is not English, the speech is entirely English; my third thought was that I've had actors paraphrase my dialogue just like this lots of times... and it's pretty irritating, let me tell you.

*To be completely fair, I do have American friends who speak multiple languages. Two good examples are Jeff and Caroline here: he is fluent in Chinese (I'm not sure how many dialects), she in Spanish.

†Or should I say, the lowest common dominators? But that's humor and humor is totally inappropriate for an article on Globish, right?

**Again, in fairness, that single person could also be French, German, Russian or any other non-Chinese speaker.

A New Iceland... Fer Real....

From the BBC: "Nearly 20 sq km (eight sq miles) of ice from the Ward Hunt shelf has split away from Ellesmere Island, according to satellite pictures."

That's an ice island that's 3/4 the size of Manhattan... I think that qualifies as a bad thing...

Renault eyes world's cheapest car

That's the BBC headline and this is the photo that accompanies it. The caption clarifies... sort of. But my first reaction upon seeing the picture was, "Cheap, sure! But what would that engine assembly plant look like?"

On the BBC...

As usual, I read the BBC news while I had my lunch today and there are a few interesting stories to share with you all...

First, this one's for you, Reverend Billy: Video embarrassment for Wal-Mart. Sure they're a union-busting, employee-cheating, community-destroying, sweatshop-supporting corporate behemoth, but who's going to let that stop their world domination? Well, perhaps the firm they paid to maintain their surveillance video archives: the company is now making those videos available to all comers—trial lawyers, trade unions, the government agencies not directly connected to the Bush Administration—for a mere $250 an hour because Wal-Mart refused to pay them what may very well have been blackmail. Could this be an exhaust port on the W-M Death Star? I think it's important to remember that Capone didn't go to prison for murder, extortion or bootlegging—it was tax-evasion...

Next, there's the titillating story, Nude image of Carla Bruni sold. The story also appeared in the NY Times yesterday. The auction included an Avedon of Brigitte Bardot (if I had money, that's what I'd have bought—what's not to love about that item?!), and nudes of Lauren Hutton, Gisele Bundchen and Kate Moss (oh, man: I don't want to see her clothed—please don't ever show me a photo of her naked!). Christie's stated that they thought the Bruni photo would go for $3-4,000: it went for $91K. Remind me not to get my art appraised at Christies...

Strong euro behind cocaine flows: I couldn't imagine anything that could ease the sting out of the euro's ascension over the dollar... that probably says something good about my imagination...

Finally, there's France's Chirac gets pacemaker, which puts that argument to rest once and for all: apparently, he does—but then, of course, Dick Cheney has a pacemaker, too... so who knows?

Magnificent Obssessives

I've never understood the people who paint their faces/bodies at sporting events, or wait in line for days to see the latest installment of [insert title of mega-blockbuster sequel here] in costume, or leave gifts and flowers outside the homes of dead celebrities, or... basically, anyone who obsesses over what most of us would consider somewhat to perhaps even extremely interesting. I think the BBC article did a good job of withholding judgment on these folks but I just don't get it. I mean, certainly there are obsessive personalities, which the two men in this article seem likely to possess. And I know I'm more than a tad judgmental, but there are times when I seriously worry about the mental health of the greater population.

It all makes me think that the line from Arsenic and Old Lace may be appropriate for our society as a whole:  "Insanity doesn't run in my family: it gallops!"

Just When Altria Ended It's Arts Funding...

I smoked for over 20 years and I loved loved loved every minute of it (okay, it probably took me a few packs before I loved it, but you know what I mean). I'm glad I quit, as I said in the Madrid post, but I don't have a problem with other people smoking, even smoking around me and smoking in my house (we always have an ashtray available for our friends who smoke). However... this is is the dumbest way I've ever heard of getting around the anti-smoking laws. As a theater person, I find it particularly obnoxious. 

Come on, Minnesota: join the rest of us in the 21st century! New York banned smoking in restaurants and bars in 2002 and I hated it but I also accepted it. I know that non-smokers have been thrilled with the results and I can't say it didn't make quitting at least a little bit easier.

If It Ain't Broke...

The BBC reports that Italian scientists claim that, using ultrasound, they have confirmed the existence of the "G-spot". They can't pinpoint it's location exactly, of course, but they believe it's there (they seem to have basically narrowed it down to "somewhere... up front-ish... down there..."). One can't help but notice that the lead investigator on the team is a man and that the primary critic of the research quoted in the article comes from a woman. I'm not saying that women aren't interested in the vaginal O, but the g-spot mystique always makes me think of a guy trying to kill two birds with one stone. My opinion, guys, is don't knock the tried and true: trust me, you'll get better eventually and the practicing is all kinds of fun!

Those Plucky British Bohos

I was reading a story about the fire in London's Camden markets and saw this photo. While I have to admire the spirit of the sign, the reality is that the fire has devastated a lot of small businesses. The stall owners, mostly young people and immigrants, had no insurance and just lost their entire inventory.