B**chslapped by President Bling-Bling

Did he just call George W. Bush a wuss? I think he did...

Interesting Headlines I Can't Really Read

Time for another installment, Cats and Kittens:

elmundo.es: Radiografía de la crisis de los alimentos a través de un Big Mac
The Spanish are concerned that the Big Mac is not what it used to be... and, as it turns out, they're right. The bad news is that costs have risen on meat, bread, lettuce, pickles and cheese for your hamburger; the good news—you're eating more onions (or at least cheaper ones)! Of course, that's not really good news for the onion farmers... but it might be for the breath mint industry.

For me the burning Big Mac question is still: what makes McDonald's think that Thousand Island dressing is a "special sauce?"

Interesting Headlines I Can't Really Read

bild.de: Zu viele Deutsche im Hotel – Brite kriegt Schadenersatz!
To be fair, I learned about this story on the BBC, but wouldn't you all be impressed if I had figured it out on my own? Apparently, this is in response to a British man being awarded £750 for having booked a holiday at a resort that catered primarily to German tourists; Bild's article suggests destinations to avoid that are favored by the Brits, of course. My favorite part of this article, however, is the English taunt in the photo montage: in my mind, I'm hearing it spoken with a German accent. Incidentally, there's a photo halfway down in the article that's probably NSFW, so scroll carefully...

elpais.com: Hillary reconocerá su derrota en las urnas ante Obama, pero no tira la toalla
My Spanish sucks, as we all know; however, I did immediately recognize "but she won't throw in the towel" ('la toalla').

elmundo.es: La gira ecológica de Radiohead: PIDE A SUS FANS QUE NO VAYAN EN COCHE A SUS CONCIERTOS
...which is fine for their fans who live in large European cities or in the eastern U.S., where there's reliable mass transit. But I don't see the kids in Dallas/Fort Worth leaving their cars behind to take the bus to Reunion Arena (oh man—I just realized that I have no idea where they hold concerts in the D/FW area any more! I may have to take back my not feeling old comment in my previous post...). Anyway, maybe their midwest fans can compromise and carpool in hybrids...

libération.fr: 
KIM CATTRALL À NOUVEAU NYMPHOMANE

I assume that they're referring to the character she plays (as opposed to referring to her character... which may be what they're doing, actually—I wouldn't know, not being able to read French). Whatever the case, it hardly seems like much of a news flash, let alone one worthy of all boldface caps....

Interesting Headlines I Can't Really Read

elpais.com: Batacazo de los laboristas en las municipales de Inglaterra y Gales
What made this headline interesting for me was that I'd just read the same story on the BBC. It was front page news on El Pais, a testament to just how many English have relocated down south. 

morgenpost.de: Das Festival der starken Frauen: Heute beginnt mit Shakespeares Sturm das Berliner Theatertreffen

For those of you playing along at home: sturm = tempest... I figured that it had to be from the start but still felt the need to search the article until I found a reference to Prospero. 

morgenpost.de: Slideshow: Kritischer Blick: Was hat denn Christina Ricci hier entdeckt?

Okay, I'm a big Susan Sarandon fan (politically and every other way), and when I saw this photo I thought, "Brava, Ma'am!" But sometimes you just want to take the photographers and the photo editors out and spank 'em for the naughty children they are...

libération.fr: Le triste record de l’injustice américaine

Triste means sad... ain't it the truth. We may not corner the market on injustice—the French have plenty to be ashamed of, too, of course—but on this issue, they nail it. I can't stop myself thinking, "At least we didn't execute him before we found out," as if that in anyway mitigates the 27 years he spent in prison for a crime he didn't commit.

hola.com: LA 'REINA DEL POP' REGRESA A SU TRONO

You've got to hand it to hola; they take Charles Foster Kane's belief to heart: "If the headline is big enough, it makes the news big enough." Madonna in all caps: that's news! However, to play devil's advocate, I refer you to my friend Caroline's comments on a recent WNYC message board.

Military Analysts: An Oxymoron?

Man, sometimes I hate reading the Times! I'd been avoiding this article all morning but, finally, I had to give in and read it. Of course it pissed me off. But I'm more irritated because while I did not know the details in the article, there was only one thing about the article that truly surprised me.

The big "Duh!"s in the article:

"A spokeswoman for Fox News said executives 'refused to participate' in this article." Duh!

"The largest contingent was affiliated with Fox News, followed by NBC and CNN, the other networks with 24-hour cable outlets." See "Duh!" No. 1

"It was, Mr. [Bryan] Whitman added, 'a bit incredible” to think retired military officers could be “wound up” and turned into “puppets of the Defense Department.'" This is an accidental "Duh!" on the part of Mr. Whitman, a Pentagon spokesman: his point was actually the opposite of this, that it's an incredibly unlikely thing—ain't irony wonderful?!

"Some network officials, meanwhile, acknowledged only a limited understanding of their analysts’ interactions with the administration." The only possible surprise in this is that they admitted the fact publicly... or that they were even aware that they ought to be ashamed of it.

"Journalists were secondary. 'We didn’t want to rely on them to be our primary vehicle to get information out,' Mr. [Don] Meyer [aide to assistant secretary of defense for public affairs] said."

"The Pentagon paid a private contractor, Omnitec Solutions, hundreds of thousands of dollars to scour databases for any trace of the analysts..." This actually fits in both categories: the fact that the government is hiring someone to check up on their lackeys is the "Duh!"; the name of the company, however, is whack. It's the kind of name C-list writers use in direct-to-video movies.

The only big surprise for me:

"Robert H. Scales Jr., a retired Army general and analyst for Fox News and National Public Radio" Really? All Things Considered and All Things Unconsidered?

On the BBC...

As usual, I read the BBC news while I had my lunch today and there are a few interesting stories to share with you all...

First, this one's for you, Reverend Billy: Video embarrassment for Wal-Mart. Sure they're a union-busting, employee-cheating, community-destroying, sweatshop-supporting corporate behemoth, but who's going to let that stop their world domination? Well, perhaps the firm they paid to maintain their surveillance video archives: the company is now making those videos available to all comers—trial lawyers, trade unions, the government agencies not directly connected to the Bush Administration—for a mere $250 an hour because Wal-Mart refused to pay them what may very well have been blackmail. Could this be an exhaust port on the W-M Death Star? I think it's important to remember that Capone didn't go to prison for murder, extortion or bootlegging—it was tax-evasion...

Next, there's the titillating story, Nude image of Carla Bruni sold. The story also appeared in the NY Times yesterday. The auction included an Avedon of Brigitte Bardot (if I had money, that's what I'd have bought—what's not to love about that item?!), and nudes of Lauren Hutton, Gisele Bundchen and Kate Moss (oh, man: I don't want to see her clothed—please don't ever show me a photo of her naked!). Christie's stated that they thought the Bruni photo would go for $3-4,000: it went for $91K. Remind me not to get my art appraised at Christies...

Strong euro behind cocaine flows: I couldn't imagine anything that could ease the sting out of the euro's ascension over the dollar... that probably says something good about my imagination...

Finally, there's France's Chirac gets pacemaker, which puts that argument to rest once and for all: apparently, he does—but then, of course, Dick Cheney has a pacemaker, too... so who knows?

Eine Kleine Naughty-musik

I'd like to think that I'm above the prurient interest in the sexual exploits of others that so many people seem to have. I'd like to think that but, of course, it isn't true. So naturally, when I saw the NY Times headline, Possible Nazi Theme of Grand Prix Boss’s Orgy Draws Calls to Quit, on my Palm this morning, I had to read the article. 

My first thought was that this guy Mosley (ironically seen at left promoting Electronic Stability Control with a lot of other dummies) is accurate when he says that the practices in which he engaged appear to have been legal. If he wants to spank and be spanked by Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS,  he's not going be arrested for it unless he opts to embellish his role playing in inadvisable directions—and then, it would be the specific activities that would cause him problems, not the context in which they were performed. However, he's an idiot if he can't see why both the FIA and, more importantly, the FIA's sponsors aren't going to want to make this public relations nightmare go away completely and quickly—especially Daimler Benz and BMW, both German manufacturers of luxury cars! And, of course, his father's fascism is not doing him any favors... and makes the whole situation even more disturbing, quite frankly.

If you're interested in the more salacious version of the story with photos, check out newsoftheworld.co.uk; needless to say, that site is nsfw... assuming you don't work at the News of the World, in which case, never mind.

If It Ain't Broke...

The BBC reports that Italian scientists claim that, using ultrasound, they have confirmed the existence of the "G-spot". They can't pinpoint it's location exactly, of course, but they believe it's there (they seem to have basically narrowed it down to "somewhere... up front-ish... down there..."). One can't help but notice that the lead investigator on the team is a man and that the primary critic of the research quoted in the article comes from a woman. I'm not saying that women aren't interested in the vaginal O, but the g-spot mystique always makes me think of a guy trying to kill two birds with one stone. My opinion, guys, is don't knock the tried and true: trust me, you'll get better eventually and the practicing is all kinds of fun!